Updated July 29, 2020
A few days back (July 2020), I had a “date” with a Chinese girl (at least, I thought it was a date). Once again, I realized lots of cultural differences and misunderstandings. A quick report…
Well, I was out visiting a few new places Shanghai. In the evening, on my way back to home, at a local supermarket, I ended up having a brief interaction with a cute girl.
I suggested WeChat add, and she nicely agreed.
I soon got into the bus and headed back to my place.
What I Know About Her?
She started texting me.
She appeared to be quite excited to have met a foreigner. Here is some information I learned about this girl:
- I was her first foreign friend,
- Working at a pharmacy store,
- Age: 20,
- Height: 5’5”,
- Super skinny (perfect in shape),
- Lives with family,
- Has a brother,
- Wanted a cute English name,
- SINGLE (a very important aspect).
I Invited Her For A Date
Since she was single, I invited her, without any delay, for a DATE. We agreed to meet the next evening, 5.30pm, for drinks/coffee. I very clearly told her it was a date. I also asked her to keep me updated as she started from home and reached the meet up venue, 2 minutes walking distance from my apartment.
The next evening, per the plan, she updated me. She was commuting by subway/bus. However, it turned out that, initially, we didn’t realize it’d take her two hours to get to the venue.
When she texted me about the delay, I was feeling melted to trouble her for a 2-hour-long journey. I thought it’d be better if we go for a dinner, instead of drinks.
As she was updating me her locations, I asked if she already had dinner. She hadn’t.
Changed Plan
Then I suggested that we could go for a dinner, instead of drinks. I further added, “it’s our first dinner”.
I thought she’d be happy with a dinner offer, however, only to be surprised soon.
She replied me asking “didn’t you ever eat with a Chinese person before?” WTF
It was essentially a rude reply. Since I didn’t want to screw the things up, so just asked her if she’d prefer drinks or a meal. She said, “meal”.
She reached at 6.30pm, one hour late.
She Wasn’t Romantically Interested
She was poorly dressed, and her hair looked too messed up. Probably, she didn’t even take showers (Chinese people anyway take a shower before going to bed). These were very clear signal that this girl wasn’t romantically/sexually interested.
As a seasonal veteran, I maintained my calm all the time.
After we met, I guided her to a nearby Chinese restaurant. Soon, I realized that she didn’t speak any English. However, I knew basic Chinese, and it was quite okay for me to interact with her. Further, I told her to speak slowly.
She gifted me a bare book (RMB 35; US $1= RMB 7), saying she had many such books in her house. WTF
A Weird Dinner Date
Once inside the restaurant, we realized that the restaurant was nearly full. We sat down at a dinner table, only to realize it was already reserved. Then, we were offered a new table; we had to sit on the same side of the table, facing the wall.
Anyways, we looked into the menu (only in Chinese). I told her that I preferred to eat vegetables; chicken, fish would be okay.
I suggested two dishes, and she agreed. She also suggested a pork dish, and I was okay.
In China, you often receive the bill even before the meal is served; you can pay after the meal, though. The bill was RMB 106.
Then suddenly, she told me that she doesn’t eat pork. I was surprised. Why the hell she’d order pork?
I suggested her to cancel the pork dish as we could just eat two dishes (I wasn’t feeling that hungry).
However, since the order was already placed, we were not allowed to cancel any of the dishes.
I asked her to try to change pork for chicken. She did talk to the waiter. I didn’t really understand what was conspiring. Soon, we were served a chicken dish as well. The pork was not served.
We started eating. I struggled with the chopsticks and wasn’t really that comfortable eating. In fact, I wanted to talk to her more and get to know each other well. However, she appeared more interested in eating and texting to her friends. She kept looking into her phone, and most of the time, she was occupied replying text messages.
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Just Friends? WTF
Then I indirectly suggested her starting up a relationship. She had the same traditional BS reasons:
- Let’s first be friends,
- It’s too fast,
- We are only friends,
- I came to meet you as a friend.
Anyways, as we were about to finish the meal, I invited her back to my place. Then she suddenly pretended to talk to someone on the phone, and shortly afterwards, said her mom just called her to get back.
How Much Did I Pay On The Friendly Date?
Then, I went to pay the bill. It turned out the bill was RMB 135.
I was a bit surprised why it was RMB 135, instead of RMB 106?
It turned out that the chicken dish was not a replacement of the pork dish. This girl had ordered chicken, without even informing me. So, I ended up paying for the 4 dishes, including for the pork dish that was never served.
This girl explained me that the bill was correct.
Then she left quickly, back to her home on a two-hour long journey. Nothing romantically happened on this friendly date.
Was It Expensive?
Why did I mention about the bill? Well, RMB 135 is just about US $20. Not a big deal for me! In fact, this was a dinner date after a long time, as I’d generally invite chicks for coffee/drinks.
However, coffee would just cost me RMB 45, or so!
It’s worth mentioning that this girl, who doesn’t even have an undergraduate degree, in all likelihood, earns less than RMB 100/day.
Chinese Girls: Key Dating Lessons
- In China, the girls often don’t understand your romantic/sexual signals, unless, of course, you are very direct about it. However, then you risk coming as a needy/desperate.
- First meet up should always be on coffee/drinks. Don’t ever go for a meal! The meal is going to be awkward, especially, if she doesn’t speak any English. (The only exception I think is if she is coming from another city for an overnight stay at your apartment. Then order food from your home. Don’t eat at a restaurant.)
- You can invite her for a dinner on the second date, given she agreed for a relationship with you on the first date, or before the second meet up.
- You will never go for a friendly dinner/lunch.
- In fact, unless she agrees to start a relationship, there shouldn’t be a second meet up. You want to get laid. You are not a lonely beta soul trying to make friends.
- If she gives you positive signals on a coffee/date, take her bedroom and see if she is okay with a bang. Sex on first date do happen, however, it’s not that common in China. You have to test the water.
- Understand the cultural differences. It’s okay to lose chicks, don’t lose the lesson.
- If you don’t play your cards well, you risk wasting time and energy (and some money).
- Keep enough condoms ready. You never know…
Final Thoughts
Dating Chinese women could be full of roller coasters as the cultural differences are tremendously huge.
I have not totally given up on this girl yet. Even if I don’t get anywhere with her, there is nothing to lose. In fact, it’s likely that something good will happen in the near future. If so, I will update this post!
I never obsess on one particular girl. NEVER. Rather, I often go out and meet new girls, and generally, dating in China has been a good experience. As such, I already have a couple of coffee dates, with different girls, scheduled in the coming days! 🙂
