Updated December 14, 2020
I have been wandering in South East Asia and East Asia for about 10 years (that includes my current/4th year working in China: Dec 2020). I have thoroughly enjoyed my time exploring Asia. One of the most interesting points of my Asia stay has been dating and relationship with Asian/Chinese women. I have met all types of women in Asia (China, Vietnam, Singapore, you name it), from nearly primitive to highly westernized girls. Frankly, I have dated really-really a good number of Asian women. In particular, I have date quality women, not just those old and divorced ones.
If you read my previous posts about dating in China, you will realize that there is some sort of contradiction: in some articles, I suggest that have a girlfriend, and in other articles, I mention about meeting new girls, and going on dates. Sure enough. There are no lies. Point being, I have been concurrently dating 2-3 girls, virtually all the time. In other words, I was dealing with more than one girl during most of my time in Asia/China. Quite often, I struggled to schedule meet ups with them. Of course, there were times when I was practically single, looking for new dates.
So, in this post, let me give you a helicopter view of what’s up here with dating Asian/Chinese women (I think most of these observations can be generalized to the South-East and East-Asian countries). South Asia sucks, and better avoided.
If you as well have gotten the yellow fever, just sign up China Love Cupid (I wrote an article: How To Find A Chinese Girlfriend Online?).
My Naïve Chinese Colleagues
My colleagues still think that I never had a girlfriend in China. They’d often ask me about it on numerous occasions, and I’d give them the correct answer. So why they still don’t know?
Well, they’d generally ask me: Do you have a girlfriend?
And my typical reply would be: No, I don’t have a girlfriend.
They keyword here is “a”. Well, in China, even finding one girlfriend is difficult for an ordinary Chinese dude (reasons: poor sex ratio, gold digging). So having multiple girlfriends is certainly not that common. In particular, no one expected that I would be dating multiple women around the same time.
Am I A Player?
To be honest, when I was new to the Asian dating market, I never intended to date more than one woman simultaneously. However, the whole dating culture in Asia sucks. In many cases, a foreigner dude might end up becoming a player. I have also learnt my share. I don’t think I am professional yet; however, I have certainly gained some good knowledge. Fret not, I wouldn’t mind settling for a girl, if she convinces me (it’ll take her time).
- Cost Of Living In China
- Top 5 Things To Do Before Moving To China
- Buying A House In China: Real Estate Price Data
Chinese Dating Culture
In East-Asian countries, most of the girls are traditional. That broadly means:
- Heavy focus on getting married, buying houses, having family, babies (s*x only after marriage is part of the women’s game plan).
The whole marriage and family culture makes Asian women high-end gold diggers. The Asian women always have game plans. They try to fool around men all the time. The plan works with typical beta males: they’d buy houses and pay the mortgages for the next 30+ years. Organized slavery! The women here tend to be expert in fooling beta males. The women would test men every now and then. However, what these traditional women bring to the man’s life remains debatable. Sure, you bring family and babies, but does everyone needs babies in this over populated worlds? Alas!
As a corollary, sex only after marriage is still a huge concept in Asia. I have known girls (25+ age group) who had 3-4 boyfriends, and were still virgin. The moms on a daily basis emphasize the sexual purity.
Further, in China, even before a guy and girl hold hands, they have to be girlfriend and boyfriend officially. Obviously, if a guy and girl have started banging, they are supposed to be in a serious relationship. ONS (Yue Pao 约炮) is just not that common (some exception does exist in the big cities, though). Yue Pao is not part of traditional Asian culture.
What I wanted?
I felt it was a bit old school to become boyfriend even before I banged a chick. I wanted to take more time before I commit into a serious relationship. In particular, I wanted to confirm if a girl was worth a long-term relationship. Unfortunately, this idea is not really encouraged by the Asian women. They want to know everything about you even before you hold hands. They will ask you 100s of personal questions. So irritating!
The Main Problems
Of course, I have known a good number of girls who are going through mental problems (including depression). Some of them are being treated for psychological problems. How can I confirm to be boyfriend without knowing enough about these girls?
Then, sex was never guaranteed.
For example, a good number of girls, won’t come to your home despite two of you have been girlfriend and boyfriend of one year. The whole focus is to get married, and bang only thereafter.
Some girls offered me BJ instead, saying “I will help you.”
Not to mention, the life of Asian girls is heavily controlled by their moms, who preach them family values (stay virgin, delay s*x strategically, marry a rich guy who can afford to buy you a house).
Overall, I always felt some shit going on.
So, when I’d go for a coffee/drinks date, I’d never be sure how far I would go with a girl. I wanted to take time before committing into a relationship. I wanted to have at least 3-4 month before I call a girl my girlfriend. This idea backfired.
I Used to Be a Loser
I lost girls in the beginning.
These girls will try to push me for becoming boyfriend. However, I would not agree, as it’d be too fast and we hadn’t even banged yet. So they’d move on thinking I was not looking for serious relationship, let alone getting married.
So I lost girls fast.
How I Dated Multiple Girls?
As time went on, I connected the dots and changed my strategy.
Basically, I wouldn’t tell them I needed time or something before becoming boyfriend. I behaved like a most eligible bachelor: always ready to be a boyfriend. I’d give them a green signal that we were girlfriend boyfriend whenever they’d ask. However, deep inside, I knew it was idiotic to call someone my girlfriend just because we had s*x (or didn’t have had yet).
It turned that I was dating multiple girls in no time (I already had decent skills to go out and meet new girls).
So What?
Well, after a few weeks we had gotten together, the girls would start showing their idiotic tendencies. And then, I will give them a low priority. For example, some would be very mean, and talk cheap and offensive stuff. Some would text me bad words just because I replied them slowly. Some would keep calling me on WeChat. Some would ask money. Some would even delete me from WeChat. And then I’d be over. This weird cycle is (unexpectedly) part of my Asia memories.
Frankly, I had a good job. Money was never an issue. I stayed in a single room. Logistics were never an issue. I had good enough mental and financial capabilities to lead a healthy relationship. From my side, there were no issues. The girl who wanted to stay with me, stayed. Those who needed time, were given time. Those who needed long time were given forever.
There was nothing to lose. I always had “another” girl to spend time together.
Sometime, I’ll just meet a woman, and the next day she would be in my bedroom. Then we did the deed. At the same time, I have known women for years, and nothing went nowhere. That’s life!
Final Thoughts
Asian women stay with you because you serve their purpose, not the other way. Don’t commit into a relationship unless you are sure that she deserves you. You have got just one life, don’t waste it dealing with psychopaths. Don’t hurt anyone. Never break the law. That said, have as much fun as you can. Dating multiple person is rarely illegal. If you think you should be dating more than one girl, date as many of them as you want.
May the peace be upon you.
