My Chinese Colleague Got Married

Updated October 26, 2020

One of my Chinese colleagues (let’s call him DJ) got married in Aug 2020. It was the first time for me to closely (not completely though) understand the Chinese marriage drama. So, I thought of writing a quick post about the same.

*Traditional Chinese marriage ceremony.*

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Profile of the Groom (DJ)

Age: 36,
Hometown: Yiwu (Zhejiang)
Height: 5’8’’
Employment statutes: has a decent job (permanent one)
Salary: about RMB 7,000/month
Bonus: about RMB 20,000-30,000/year (it varies heavily)
House: he owns a house in Shanghai (on loan, 2-bedroom apartment), paying monthly installments (gonna pay for the next 30 years, or so).

*Getting married is a very important part of Chinese culture.*

How I Got to Know About the Marriage?

Actually, DJ didn’t invite anyone from my office to attend his marriage ceremony. He didn’t even inform us. So there was no way for us to know about his marriage. In particular, I don’t generally hang out with my colleagues (all Chinese, and they communicate in Chinese). Basically, I didn’t know DJ had gotten married.

One day, I randomly joined one of my other colleagues (let’s call him LT) in the cafeteria for a lunch, and he told me about DJ’s marriage. It turns out that DJ had shared a photo of his marriage certificate (Jiehun zheng, 结婚证) on WeChat timeline (Pengyou quan, 朋友圈- circle of friends). My colleagues got to know about the marriage after the actual marriage ceremony was over.

I got to know at a much later date. I also learnt that there would be a reception party in Shanghai (and I’d be invited). However, I didn’t know when the reception would really happen.

I Was Quite Surprised

Well, DJ has been quite (in) famous for being a player. I didn’t expect him to get married. Just a few months back, he’d tell me that he was single. However, suddenly he was married. I and LT even wondered if there would be a divorce soon.

Further, deep inside in mind, I was actually trying to find reasons for him to get married. LT said DJ had too much of family pressure to get married. I was not really sure.

Invitation to the Marriage Reception Ceremony

After two weeks of LT had informed me, DJ texted me on WeChat to attend his marriage reception party (lunch, 10.00am) at a nearby hotel. I congratulated him, and confirmed my participation.

In fact, I was quite excited as this was the first time I was going to attend a marriage reception party in China.

The Reception Ceremony

It was organized at a local hotel near a lake. Nice ambient. Very nice arrangement.

We all carried a red packet (Hong Bao; some cash in a red envelope). It’s kind of a must in China to give a red packet to the newlyweds during marriage and reception ceremonies.

The bride and groom were waiting to welcome us at the hotel gate. I reached at 10.10 and was afraid if I was late.

DJ and his wife (let’s call her WJ) welcomed me. DJ was in a bluish suit, and WJ put on a red boutique dress. WJ looked very gorgeous. I guessed she was about 26, or so.

It was a very special occasion for me. I handed them the red packet (cash). I was also given a red bag (in Chinese culture red color represents happiness and good fortune). It was full of sweets. I took a couple of pics with the newlyweds. Then I entered the dining room. It turns out that none of my colleagues had arrived yet. I wasn’t really late.

Total 7 round tables were reserved for the lunch reception. One of the tables was for the colleagues. The rest 6 were for DJ’s friends and relatives.

I dressed rather decently. However, most of my colleagues were dressed poorly. LT was in Bermuda and sandals.

My (our) boss also attended the event. He usually dresses quite poorly (Chinese people take showers at night, and often look sleepy in the morning when they reach office). However, he looked much better during that event. He also gave a 5-minute speech during the marriage reception ceremony (in Chinese).

Food was great. Too many varieties. Full of Chinese cuisines.

I learned that it would cost between RMB 1,000 to 1,200 to reserve one round table. Then, add the price of gifts we had gotten. So, DJ probably spent about RMB 10,000 for the marriage reception ceremony.

I also learned that earlier there had been two marriage ceremonies. One in WJ’s hometown, one in DJ’s hometown.

As we were enjoying lunch, DJ and WJ joined us at the lunch table. DJ briefly introduced each of the colleagues to WJ.

The lunch continued about 1.5 hours. Then we returned back. During the reception, I got to know more about the bride.

Profile of the Bride (WJ)

Here is the profile of the bride.

Age: 22 (born 1998),
Height: 5’5’’
Hometown: Shandong (I don’t remember the name of the city)
Employment status: pursuing masters (year 1) in Shanghai; no job.
Salary: scholarship.
Figure: quite nice (a bit extra pond)

Basically, the age of this girl was one of the main reasons why DJ had gotten married (despite being a player).

How DJ and WJ Met for the First Time?

They met at some event in WJ’s university. They got connected on WeChat. It hardly took 3 months before they were married.

Btw, DJ has been a loser in the past. For example, one of his ex- girlfriends dumped him in 2019 just because he had only a 2-bedroom house. The girl preferred a guy with at least 3-bedroom house.

Chinese Gold Diggers: 4 Examples

Final Thoughts (Key Learnings)

Bring a red packet to the Chinese marriage/reception ceremony, it’s virtually compulsory.
Most of my colleagues are surprised (read jealous) how DJ (36) found a 22-year-old cutie.
How we know the age of WJ? Well, it was openly discussed among my colleagues during the reception (Chinese people love discussing age).
A man with sable job and house has higher chances of finding a young and beautiful wife.
As a girl, it’s okay even if you have not finished your college education. As long as you are beautiful, you can find a suitable man.
Post-marriage, DJ looks very calm in the office. He seems to be doing well.

I wish the newlyweds all the very best.