Why Dating in China Sucks?

Updated November 20, 2020

I love China. It’s a great country. I have been expressing my love for China virtually all the time (safe country; friendly people; awesome food, blah blah). However, if there is, one issue that often bothers me in China (read Asia); it’s about dating and relationship. Frankly, dating in China sucks; and sucks very deeply. There are lots of weird problems (cultural differences) you may encounter if you are out trying to find a suitable girlfriend (in her 20s, and without a history of marriage) in China.

If you are into Chinese girls, just sign up China Love Cupid (I wrote an article: How To Find A Chinese Girlfriend Online?).

In this post, I will highlight some of the common issues/problems regarding dating in China that I have personally observed. While reading the post, if you feel that I have been a loser dude in China/Asia, make sure to read until the end of the post. 🙂

Btw, I am writing this post with a positive attitude and mindset, and look forward to see positive changes in the mindsets of Asian chicks (not easy though).

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Case 1: The Girl Flakes on You

Just yesterday (October 2020), my date was cancelled. I will show you the texts of this girl along with a quick background.

So I met this girl in a supermarket. She was with a friend. We had a quick chat, and I suggested maybe we could make friends. Then we added each other in WeChat. I texted her the next day. She is 21, working (at some subway station). Damn gorgeous. Single!

I invited her for a date, but she was busy.

I got back to her after a week (Friday), and this time we agreed to meet for a coffee date on Monday.

However, on the next day (Saturday) this is what she texted me:

I just replied with a cute cat emoji (saying OK).

Point being, I don’t mind that she cancelled the date (yukkk, I’m soooo used to it). What irritated me is the weird (+unwanted) explanation. I removed her from WeChat. I literally don’t want to deal with a naïve woman.

In fact, this is just an example.

A few weeks ago, a girl (postgraduate student) cancelled a date just 20 minutes before the scheduled meet up time. You know, it’s almost winter in China (we are already shivering). I was working in the office to meet a deadline. However, I left office early, came back to my apartment, took shower, put on clothes, and was about to leave to the cafeteria to meet this girl. Then I received a text that she had a meeting.

The girls here are naïve and often don’t get why you want to meet them.

Case 2: She Want To Bring Friends on a Date

This is another common frustrating part of dealing with Asian girls. You invite her for a date, and she wants to bring her friend (s) on a date (I have observed this with Vietnamese, Chinese, Malaysian, and Indian girls).

In fact, a few of the Chinese girls wanted to bring their moms on the date. WTF

I generally don’t meet such girls. Some girls would ask me to explain why it’s wrong to bring a friend on a date.

Well, Chinese girls generally have no experience of dating before entering university. Most of them are virgin. In fact, I have known girls in 26+ age group who never had a boyfriend.

Frankly, I don’t see any point of meeting such inexperienced girls. You’ll need to train them a lot. Unfortunately, if they don’t want to learn, it’d waste a lot of time.

It’s worth mentioning that there is a heavy focus on English education in China. However, I think the word date is not yet properly explained to the students.

Case 3: Chinese Girls/Boys Do Not Understand “Consent”

The girls and boys here in Asia often don’t understand meaning of se*ual consent. I am currently dating a girl (22; from Changzhou). She has just graduated from a university.

She had a boyfriend in her university. They were in a relationship for nearly 3 years (s*x happened in the 3^rd year of the relationship). However, the girl never wanted to have s*x. The guy forced on her. However, both the guy and girl have been naïve enough to understand what was going wrong.

For example, this girl told me that her ex was a good person. Despite this forced s*x, they stayed in a relationship, they’d often travel together, sleep on the same bed, and use c**dom all the time during s*x. They broke up after graduating as they both moved to different cities and didn’t want a long distance relationship (otherwise the forced act might have continued).

In US/UK law, this is 100% a rape case. However, here in China, it’s complicated.

In fact, I have been with this girl for the past couple of months. We have not f***d yet. The reason is simple: she says no at a very last moment, and then I’d just stop. Well, we live in different places. She’d  often come to my place on weekends and stay overnight. We sleep whole night in the same bed, same quilt, however, she says no to s**.

I don’t understand these women.

I mean, if you don’t want to bang, why would you even come to my bedroom? Why would you sleep with me on the same bed (given you know I am a se*ual being). Sure, maybe you didn’t understand this when we met for the first time. However, why would you come to my bedroom second time? Why would you keep coming (sleeping with me) on every weekend?

As mentioned earlier, the reason is simple: these girls just don’t understand the meaning of consent.

Case 4: Laowai Trouble  

Some girls have been warned to keep away from the foreigners (laowai).

I remember one of my girlfriends asking me “are you a spy”. WTF. We were together for 1.5 years already.

Case 5: Marriage and Family Drama

There is a heavy focus on finding Mr. Right, get married and have a family. This enforces women to protect their purity. Gold digging is just one of the consequences of this whole marriage drama. Then you have a population of 1.4Bn. Still, nobody tells you (before getting married) side effects of getting married.

• How To Identify A Chinese Gold Digger
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Case 6: No Sex Education

It’s rather surprising that in a big country like China, there is no formal s*x education. There are so many reasons behind it (including the teachers are too shy to discuss such topics even in a scientific sense).

So, am I a loser with respect to dating Chinese women? Hell, No! I have done my own share of research on understanding Chinese and Asian women (and I love them; I am a big fan of them). In fact, during most of my China time, I had multiple girlfriends (I am NOT a player; however, the entire Asian dating culture often promotes this type of situation). That’s the topic of my next blog-post.

Final Thoughts

There are so many of culture differences about dating Asian/Chinese women. However, as a foreigner (or local), don’t ever touch the law. As in, if the girl says NO, just stop. NO means NO. Say no to s*xual crimes.